Jeri Hall - 8/12/08
I attended Outward Bound School in one week prior to my 40th birthday.
I came to the course with many, many reservations and an abundance of fear. I knew this was going to be a trip of self-discovery, but had no clue as to how dramatically it would change my life.
I have lived a life that was not totally fulfilling, and oftentimes I was immobilized by fear and guilt, much of which was developed during an extremely chaotic childhood laden with neglect and poverty, divorce, deception, etc. Certainly, nothing extreme, but which helped to form the person I had become.
Once at Outward Bound, and realizing the full-force of what I had gotten into, which was immediate the first day on the ropes course, I began to see just how immobilizing my fear and guilt had become. Overcoming my fear of heights, which began with the ropes course, had such an empowering effect that the rest of the week seemed like a cakewalk in comparison.
I have to say though that the inspiration and spirit of my instructors got me through this course. Karen specifically helped me to see just how crippling my fear had become, she inspired me to not give up, to dig deep within myself for the self-confidence and will to succeed. I will be forever grateful for her words that inspire me to this day. She is the epitome of what every woman should aspire to: strength, dignity, self-reliance and compassion.
Throughout the course it was emphasized it may take a while for the full effect of the course to be realized in our every day lives. Over the course of this past year, I have faced many fears, and have come to realize that I was only able to do this because of my Outward Bound experience. More specifically, I have become a better mother, I recently agreed to let my 12 year-old daughter move 7 1/2 hours away to live with her father, because both her father and she have always wanted to have the opportunity, and I finally was able to let go of my fear of losing her, fear of what people would say, etc. Putting their needs above my own, and realizing that it was a fair and equitable thing to do, helped to make the decision. Without my Outward Bound experience I would never had been able to make such a difficult decision. I feel extremely happy about the decision and relieved of many years of guilt re: divorce and distance.
I have also developed a backbone and found a voice that I never knew I had, which has affected all the relationships in my life, including relationships with money, friends/family and work relationships as well. In essence, I have found the courage to be who I am.
I look forward to the future and am excited everyday about how my life is changing. I will again be changing my life, getting a Master's Degree and moving into a new career, I relish the challenge that will bring.
I also look forward to the time that I can return to Outward Bound, and plan to share this experience with my daughter when she turns 14 in a couple of years. What better gift to give a young girl facing the challenges of becoming a teenager? I can think of no other gift that will help to build a woman of character, integrity and strength. I can hardly wait.
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